Golden Globes 2019: live updates

The 76th Golden Globes are underway. Follow along here for live updates from myself and friend of the site Zoë Ryan (@z_m_ryan).

11:19 pm

Jake: The big loser of the night turns out to be A Star Is Born, which gets snubbed for everything aside from “Shallow.” Important to remember that the Globes don’t actually mean anything. It’s been fun!

11:15 pm

Jake:

Highlights of the night:

-"Oh God, the winner is Green Book."

-Sandra Oh's win

-Olivia Colman's acceptance speech

-Steve Carell is hot now

Lowlights of the night:

-Green Book winning anything

-Samberg and Oh's hosting abilities

11:09 pm

Jake: Guess I have to see The Wife now.

11:02 pm

Jake: Much like the movie itself, the acceptance speech for Green Book features a white man explaining racism while a black man waits patiently in the background.

10:55 pm

Jake: “Oh God, the winner is Green Book.” Bill Murray speaks for all of us right now.

10:48 pm

Jake: JANELLE MONAE FOREVER

10:46 pm

Jake: Shaping up to be a Colman vs. Gaga Oscars race. Colman is incredibly charming and her performance was amazing.

10:38 pm

Jake: How does Halle Berry still look like that

10:28 pm

Jake: What if awards shows got rid of acceptance speeches? Something like a rapid-fire interview on stage?

10:27 pm

Jake: LORD BEZOS

10:25 pm

Zoë: The excitement for A Star Is Born is palpable.

10:16 pm

Jake: It’s Cuaron vs. Cooper for the Oscar.

10:14 pm

Jake: It may seem like we’re not up to the task, but we are, man, we’re alive!” Jeff Bridges IS The Dude.

Zoë: That was bizarrely similar to listen to my father’s Sunday morning ramblings, which are seemingly a stream of consciousness until someone turns on music and cuts him off.

10:07 pm

Jake:

10:04 pm

Jake: Chris Pine secures his spot at the top of the Chris Wars with a charming Jeff Bridges introduction.

10:02 pm

Jake: What the fuck is Ellen’s Game of Games

9:57 pm

Jake:

9:55 pm

Zoë: Tyler Perry asking the question we’re all asking, “are the celebrities as drunk as they seem?” He says yes.

9:47 pm

Zoë: Does he??

Jake: He seems…ok. Are we already forgetting about that audio where he screamed at everyone on the set of Terminator:Salvation???

9:44 pm

Jake: Christian Bale’s performance in Vice is high-class mimicry, and it’s just yearning to do a fraction of what Joaquin Phoenix could have done with something like this. Also, I forget every time that Bale is British.

9:42 pm

Jake: Patricia Clarkson is a national treasure.

Zoë: Patricia Clarkson may have won for Sharp Objects, but she’ll always be Tammy I to me.

9:34 pm

Jake: The factually challenged screenplay for Green Book beats out Roma, Beale Street, and The Favourite. This is a travesty.

Zoë: Alternatively, I’d take Maya Rudolph and Amy Poehler as the hosts of this year’s Oscars.

9:33 pm

Jake: Mahershala Ali delivers a touching speech for a good performance, but I wish it didn’t propel the awful Green Book further into awards season contention.

9:29 pm

Jake: This ceremony is picking up.

9:23 pm

Jake: How many times has a host won at their own awards show? This is a great moment.

9:21 pm

Zoë: YASS SANDRA MY QUEEN AHHHHHHHHHHHH

9:18 pm

Jake: A surprising, but deserved, win for Regina King! One of the standouts of Beale Street, and all the other nominees seem genuinely happy for her.

9:09 pm

Jake: Lady Gaga’s Oscars stock goes up anytime she’s on stage.

9:06 pm

Jake: OHHHHH-OH-OH-OH-OH

Zoë: WHO IS MARK RONSON????

9:04 pm

Jake: Idris Elba and Taylor Swift take home the prize for hottest presenters of the night.

8:59 pm

Jake: One hour in, and these Globes aren’t fun enough. The audience needs to get a lot drunker!

8:55 pm

Jake: This Carol Burnett presentation is really nice. Also, is Steve Carell hot now?

Zoë: Steve Carell is officially hot now.

8:54 pm

Jake: A joke where the punchline is that I don’t get to see Jack Nicholson present? Cool.

8:48pm

Zoë: Is there anything more uncomfortable than watching celebrities be shamed into getting flu shots on live television? I want to love Samberg and Oh, but they sure are making it hard for themselves.

8:45 pm

Jake: The real English scandal is that Ben Whishaw won’t win anything for voicing Paddington.

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8:41pm

Zoë: Three for four for television shows I haven’t heard of.

8:36 pm

Onion1.jpg

Jake: Evergreen greatness from The Onion.

8:30 pm

Zoë: I know The Americans is well-deserving off the award, but a part of me is still disappointed that it didn’t go to Killing Eve or Pose, both of which heavily feature POC.

8:28 pm

Jake: Two-for-two on TV shows I’ve barely even heard of.

8:26 pm

Zoë: Is The Big Bang Theory still relevant? Like really, who watches it? Please let me know.

Jake: Someone let The Favourite stars host an awards show, quick!

8:22 pm

Jake: Black Panther was released 11 months ago. This movie has incredible staying power.

Zoë: Taking this commercial break to go back and reflect on Oh and Samberg’s hosting this year. While only slightly less awkward than the Hathaway/Franco hosting disaster of 2011, at least Oh and Samberg chose to focus on the positive things going on in the world (re: greater representation in mainstream movies). As NPR pop culture critic Linda Holmes tweeted, "I'd rather awkward and nice than awkward and mean.”

8:19 pm

Jake: A much-deserved win for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Not just the best animated movie of the year, but one of the best, period.

8:16 pm

Zoë: Douglas wins for The Kominsky Method, kicking off a night of me not knowing what any of these shows are.

8:14 pm

Jake: A touching moment from Oh about why she chose to host, praising the diversity of the crowd: “This moment is real…all of these faces of change.”

8:10 pm

Jake: Lmao at Samberg line about Ms. Maisel: “Is this anti-semitic?”

8:08 pm

Zoë: Emma Stone saying “I’m sorry” as Oh says there hasn’t been a film nominated with an Asian since Aloha is perfection. As is Oh explaining to Samberg why a joke about Asian flush isn’t for him.

8:00 pm

Zoë: Don’t mind me. Just sitting in my living room crying that I’m finally getting to see an Asian woman host an awards show.

7:55 pm

Jake: Welcome to the live feed! The Golden Globes will be kicking off in just a few minutes. For now, a very uncomfortable exchange between Yvette Nicole Brown and a tall white man. Brown says she will be pulling for movies starring black folks; white man awkwardly chuckles and chides her for limiting her options.